My first blog post is something close to my heart.
I want to start off by saying i hold no negative feelings towards anyone in my past or presently in my life . If I had not had experienced what i did growing up i wouldn’t be the Strong , resilient woman i am today . I ask anyone reading to be non judgmental and simply listen to my story . I’ve been humbled by my past and i wouldn’t trade it for anything .
Growing up I always suffered severe Anxiety , OCD and PTSD but it was never diagnosed until early teens . My memories of my school years were clouded by my illness and an abusive home life .
My over possessive and abusive father refused to let me seek out therapy. My earliest memory was when I was about 13 and I started seeing the school psychologist on my own accord, recognizing something wasn’t right. The lovely school psychologist who diagnosed me with Anxiety and PTSD, contacted my father with my diagnosis and I was banned from seeing her further. As in his eyes Anxiety was a sign of weakness and wasn’t a real illness.
I hope sharing my story helps parents recognize therapies are not a sign of weakness and can in fact, benefit their children in the long-term and avoid some of the bad experiences I had in my life .
My father didn’t want people to find out how bad my home life was at the thought of me being put into foster care. I was threatened with physical abuse and constantly subjected to emotional abuse. My mother was just as controlled by him and she had no say in what was best for my mental health. Mental health was a cliché subject and wasn’t accepted or spoken about openly. It’s only in recent year’s mental health awareness and conversations are starting to find its way into mainstream media.
As a young teenager this was enough to steer one clear from therapy for many years until I began my journey of soul-searching on who I am and what my purpose is in life.
As a child it manifested itself in different ways, from insomnia, terrible shivers and negative self-thoughts. I could never develop proper friendships or relationships and never understood the underlying cause. Many times in my early adulthood i found myself suicidal without mechanisms to be able to cope . Id hide my symptoms at the thought of being judged and always put up a strong relentless front. Things in my mind couldn’t have been more opposite. I was struggling and I needed help.
You can never fight like a lion if you’re hypnotised into thinking you’re a house cat.
In my later years as a teen I started to self-medicate with alcohol, drugs and bad crowds and dangerous situations. Its wasn’t until I hit rock bottom I realised I needed help.
I woke up one day at the age of 19; homeless, drug addicted, broke, no job or prospects and finding myself returning to people who had previously abused me. It was this moment I knew something had to change. I knew I needed to start prioritising myself before anything else.
This is where my journey started.
Things didn’t get better overnight, it took years of digging into past trauma and my mind to find myself where I am today with answers. It wasn’t easy and the journey continues .
I hope my blog post and future posts about rehab and toxic relationships are received without judgments on me or the people involved.
Be forgiving and be humble. This is one of the lessons I cherish most in life.
My aim is to simply tell my story and raise mental health awareness to avoid other people in similar situations also winding themselves in rehab or bad situations .
Lesson 1 :
Let your children have therapy , don’t judge , Be humble & be accepting of others .